Ode To The NFL Playoffs

It’s time for my annual ode to the NFL playoffs

AFC

Ravens

Paying Lamar turned out to be great 

He’s the MVP and there is no debate 

Since they finally got him receivers

It’s made everyone into believers

Bills

At 6-6 the Bills were a mess 

Until Josh Allen led them to success. 

But one bad-timed red zone interception

May cause fans to break tables in dejection

Chiefs

The best thing here is Kelce and Swift

Since the rest of the team has gone adrift 

With Mahomes they’re in every match 

Unless his receivers can’t make a catch 

Texans 

This year C.J Stroud has been on fire 

But can their defense take them higher? 

Either way, this team ends fears

That rebuilds always must take years

Browns

Their defense has destroyed opposing teams 

But can Joe Flacco achieve their Super Bowl dreams? 

While he tries to end Cleveland’s NFL curse

That Deshaun Watson contract just keeps looking worse

Dolphins

The Dolphins started out hot and fast

But unfortunately, it didn’t last 

More and more injuries are at their door 

They just wish they could go back to before  

Steelers

How are the Steelers even here?

Are they really a team to fear?

The game probably won’t have suspense 

Because Pittsburgh has no offense 

NFC

49ers

The 49ers want to get over the hump 

Even after a midseason slump 

Many people want to end the joke  

That Kyle Shanahan will always choke 

Cowboys

Cowboys fans are now in my ear

Explaining how this is their year.

But one thing’s known to any Cowboy fan

If anyone can blow this, McCarthy can

Lions

Dan Campbell’s a coach who’s not afraid

Of taking risks every game that’s played.

But playing LaPorta in a meaningless game

May give the Lions fans someone to blame

Buccaneers 

All Tampa haters, shut your mouth.

Someone had to win the NFC South

Who needs Brady when you have Baker 

But can he prove he isn’t a faker?

Eagles

The Eagles season keeps getting worse 

Did the Super Bowl loss give them a curse?

The “tush push” works, that much is true

But the rest of the offense makes Philly feel blue

Rams

Few thought L.A. would make it this far 

Then Puka Nacua emerged as a star

And you know Matt Stafford can’t wait for the chance

To send his old team home early from the dance. 

Packers

Can I run a better defense than Joe Barry?

Who knows, but Packers fans needed therapy.

They “Love” the offense but live in fear

The defense will make any lead disappear  

It’s time for predictions

Browns vs Texans: Who needs Deshaun Watson?

It is a rematch of when these teams played on Christmas Eve – Joe Flacco vs C.J. Stroud in a wildcard matchup everyone saw coming. While the Texans are a fun story this season, the problem is they are facing a monster defense. Even though I don’t trust the Browns offense, I think their defense will be too much to handle for the Texans and they will lose in a close game. 

Browns 23, Texans 17

Dolphins vs Chiefs: What is this “Peacock” thing?

The people who work for NBC are geniuses. Not only did they get a great primetime game but they are also going to get swifties to go crazy trying to figure out how to watch Taylor Swift's boyfriend Travis Kelce play! 

The Dolphins have fallen apart since these teams last played. They’ve had so many injuries to their defense that they went out and signed Justin Houston and Melvin Ingram. As much as I want to pick the Dolphins, they are just too injured. Chiefs win in a cold close game

Chiefs 21, Dolphins 13 

Steelers vs Bills: Wait they made the playoffs?

If you asked me this question a couple weeks ago, I would've said you were crazy! Both teams have had remarkable turnarounds over the final stretch.

The Bills particularly went from the outside looking in to being the No. 2 seed in the AFC. The Steelers, on the other hand, made the playoffs because Mike Tomlin can never have a losing record. The NFL scriptwriters are forbidden from allowing that. That being said, this game is the easiest one to pick because the Steelers don’t have T.J. Watt or an offense. Bills win in a blowout!

Bills 31, Steelers 7

Packers vs Cowboys: Can the Packers really do it again?

The Packers having another franchise QB is honestly surprising. I figured they’d be horrible this season, but I guess I was wrong. Yes, I know that’s hard to believe, but even I am wrong once every season or two. The Cowboys, on the other hand, have a balanced team heading into the playoffs. This game should be a Cowboys blowout because the Packers defense is run by Joe Barry, who is terrible. But when does anything go according to plan? 

The Packers are 4-1 in the last five matchups against the Cowboys. Plus Mike McCarthy is a horrible in-game head coach. So with that logic (and the fact that I hate the Cowboys) I am picking the Packers to win.

Packers 28, Cowboys 24

Rams vs Lions: Which quarterback will get his revenge?

This is the best wild card matchup! Matthew Stafford returns to Detroit to face his old team, while Lions QB Jared Goff is facing the squad that traded him because they didn’t think he was good enough to lead a long playoff run. This game has been the hardest one to pick and I have gone back and forth as both teams are very good. But the Rams are peaking at the right time, are healthier, and have Aaron Donald. Beware, though – if this game comes down to kicking, the Rams might as well give up. They’re just about at the point where they are bringing fans out of the stands to kick field goals and extra points.

Rams 38, Lions  31

Eagles vs Buccaneers: We have to wait until Monday night for this?!

This is by far the worst game of wild card weekend. I have to wait until Monday to watch a deflated Eagles team that at this point is checked out play a Buccaneers team that won the worst division in football? Why can’t this game be a 1:00 game on Sunday? I would much rather watch a Bills blowout than watch this game.  Anyway, the Eagles straight-up collapsed this season going from the best team in football to the fifth seed. The Buccaneers were honestly mid this season, although I do like Baker Mayfield. My guess is the Bucs win in a game no one is going to watch unless you’re a fan of one of these teams

Buccaneers 24, Eagles 17